cannot confirm or deny

...but tomorrow might be one of the most exciting days of my life, since june...

j'adore

apples?

momma fish and i used to ask the simple question, "apples?" anytime there was a lull in the conversation, or if someone said something so ridiculous there was nothing better to say.  it would usually send us into a fit of giggles.  who in the world knows why it started, or why it was so funny.

dear husband knows this story, and has since taken it into his own language - often asking the simple question, "bacon?" at the most random or inappropriate times.  it's not quite as giggle-worthy, but it always makes me smile.

so getting back to apples...

mom gave me a huge bag of apples from the farm.  they are the ugliest apples i have ever seen.  they are all from the same tree - but some are green some are red some are odd shades of maroon... they are covered with freckles and bruises and other imperfections.   

but after an hour of work (scrubbing, peeling, coring, slicing, boiling, and food processing), and some added sugar they have become some delicious homemade applesauce.  

oh my god - so good.

fairy-tale

what did i do to deserve this fairy-tale i am living?

To become something i never dreamed of being...

i've pretty much been "winging" it since the day of my college graduation.  

taking one day at a time.  

taking one challenge at a time.  

taking one goal at a time.  

taking one success at a time.  

taking one setback at a time. 

...today I found out that someone close to me recently lost the love of their life... not through death, but through a choice made.  it breaks my heart to think about what i would have done/who i would be today if i had to go through that a year ago, just months before my wedding day.  needless to say i would be a different person...

choices... i make dozens of them every day.  but i also realize that i do not have full control of everything in my life.  i can do certain things to prepare myself for anticipated happenings and even prepare myself to accept certain emergencies.  but i do not have a crystal ball.

i've heard that you really shouldn't talk about work within an online blog... because things online have a way of getting back to the persons that make decisions about your job security.  so i won't talk about work, except to say - it's hard.  it's not what i expected.  i have a difficult time concentrating at times.  i know that i am one of the best.  i know i am one of the most talented.  i wish i trusted more people.  i miss laughing during the day.  i am proud of what i have accomplished.  i want to live closer to work.

i definitely did not want to live in a subdivision after college - thought living downtown would be more my speed.  not going to happen.  not in this city.  so living wwwwwwaaaaaaaayyyy out - and on a street that is not part of a subdivision - is home.  it fits. right now.  but what about if there are children born?  that upstairs bedroom is pretty much filled with junk, no room for a kid.  i should fix that.  organize.  file.  trash.  donate.  sell.  i've heard that when pregnant, women do this thing called "nesting" - maybe i'll organize.file.trash.donate.sell. while i nest? ha.

watching stupid tv.  i'm catching up on all the tv i missed during high school and college, when i actually had a life. 

done.

family

i slept maybe 3 full hours this weekend - but it was worth it.  i really do enjoy being surrounded by family - my new extended family... beautiful weather, good company, lots of food - we are sooooo blessed.

convent-inspired furniture

i need accessories!!!! today, we moved the "dresser" and mirror from my grandma's house to ours.  it is very pretty, but looks sooooo old fashion (kinda convent-like, no?).  i need some modern accents to spice up the top of our stairs, now.  suggestions?  

ps - isn't Carter cute?