Butterfly Effect

book

2009-12-24T08:09:00.001-06:00

had a dream...
about the book...

so it's fully in my conscious
and subconscious mind...
that's good, right?

so... about that 5 year plan...

2009-12-15T15:23:00.001-06:00

lately i've been thinking again...
about that part of the 5 year plan
that is still unaccomplished...

writing a book...

still want to do that...

need to do that...

it's budding again... that idea...

coffee talk

2009-06-05T07:39:00.003-05:00

...just needed to rant...

went to starbucks this morning (yes, starbucks)
ordered my drink (my salvation - haha)
and went to wait for it...
the lady in front of me had on a very cute skirt -
one that i would love to find in my closet...
it was casual, yet refined enough that it wasn't sloppy...
it looked soft (no, i didn't touch it), but wasn't wrinkled...
so i decided to tell the woman i liked her skirt.
i am hoping she has hearing loss or maybe needs a cuetip or something...
because i am quite sure i spoke loudly and crisply this morning
(despite not having gotten my coffee yet)
she glanced at me...
looked me up and down...
smirked (not smiled, but smirked - there might have been a noise with it)
and half nodded in my general direction.

are you kidding me?

le sigh.

i was trying to be nice.
i don't look like a bag lady today - so i'm not sure what the look was for...
i have my cute jeans on and i know my socks and shoes match, respectively...

whatever.

i still like her skirt...

dear hummus -

2009-02-02T12:10:00.001-06:00

i love you.

that is all.

my fingers remembered the stitches...

2009-01-22T21:01:00.002-06:00

my great grandma is someone very special to me

she died - not recently

she was strong and italian and stubborn

and talented and loving and loved

and missed

the year i went to college she told me that if i ever needed her

all i had to do was to look to the moon, and speak to her and she'd hear me

that should sound crazy

it didn't.

tonight i sat down to "practice" knitting

i have been trying to teach myself to knit for a few weeks now

i've made carter a few ugly neck sock things... (don't ask...)

tonight i sat down to "practice" knitting

and my fingers remembered something they've never done successfully

the stitches are beautiful -

good tension

correct counts

there is no moon tonight -

but great grandma was here

maybe that sounds crazy

but it isn't.

note to self...

2009-01-19T16:55:00.002-06:00

do not ever eat a
fiber one bar +
broccoli +
grape nuts
within another 18 hour period...

...not going to lie -
this was a complete mistake.
do not do it again.

Goals for 2009

2009-01-11T21:59:00.000-06:00

... a new year

... a chance for making life better than it was last year

(this will be a challenge considering how great last year was...)

so i've resolved that my focus will be on the details...

the things that i have to remember to think about.

anyhow - this isn't the start of a list of resolutions -

it's an ongoing list to be updated as frequently as needed...

list of things i am doing to make my life better...

and consequently, hopefully making better the life of others?

(one can only hope and dream, right?)

now my list:

1.) i will not be buying commercially made household cleaners, if i can find a way to make them myself (in a way and using ingredients that are healthier for me, dear husband, furbaby carter, and the earth itself)

2.) we will continue to use "real" plates/dishes/cups (i.e. no paper, plastic, disposable)

3.) we will not buy bottled water

4.) we will reduce our use of paper towels (this is my newest endeavor - we just started using "unpaper" towels. there is a stack on the counter, and a mini "trashcan" just for them. these will be washed and re-stacked as necessary...)

5.) kitchen appliances that do not need to be plugged in continuously will be unplugged when not in use

this is not the end of the list - just the beginning...

Christmas Projects - Part 2

2008-12-28T09:09:00.000-06:00

So here are the cloth grocery bags I made for the adults...

(pictured are 4 of the 7 bags with 4 of the 5 patterns)

They aren't all that snazzy - but I was honestly pleased with how they turned out...

Christmas Projects

2008-12-19T20:53:00.000-06:00

Since I really should have everything finished by tomorrow (our first 2 christmas celebrations are tomorrow), I thought I'd share my projects. I'll post more pictures later, too (I think).

First - little jars of "crunchy clean" with name label and directions labels i made and attached... dear husband filled all of the jars. We are giving a total of 8 eco-bags to various family members. The eco-bags are cloth bags I made filled with 2 jars of crunchy clean (scents: monkey farts and reindeer poo), an empty spray bottle with vinegar and water solution instructions written on it, 2 microfiber towels, and a jar of homemade applesauce (apples from mom's farm).

www.crunchyclean.com

Next - the felt obsession. I have been making two sets of "groceries" in a "cloth grocery bag" for my two little cousins. I made them each: a set of 6 eggs, a breakfast of bacon toast and eggs, and a pizza. (I still want to make bow tie pasta, pop tarts, and tortellini. but alas i ran out of time to finish it all by christmas.)

de-grinch-i-fy

2008-12-08T19:47:00.000-06:00

these last two posts make me sound rather grinchy.

i'm not.

in fact i'm loving this particular holiday season...

i love the fact that i made all those cookies...

and i'm proud of the fact that i've made a lot of gifts for friends and family this year.

and i love our tree and our outside house lights...

and it smells delish in here with my christmas candles all alight!

sick.of.making.cookies

2008-12-08T15:58:00.000-06:00

i actually only made 28 dozen cookies this weekend...

24 dozen are tiny 1 inch tall butter cookies...
plus there are 4 dozen chewy chocolate chip...
and then 4 dozen chocolate fudge coookie bites...

not.making.cookies.again.soon.

hate is a strong emotion

2008-11-14T06:56:00.000-06:00

but i really think i might hate people sometimes.
well probably i'm just too emotional... but why do people think they "own the world"...

stupid - but most recent example - occurred approximately 3 minutes ago.

i arrive at work (very) early, and upon entering the parking lot (that is mostly empty), see that some jackhat has parked so that he's taking up 2 spaces (one of which is mine). the only people at the building this early are the people that use the gym downstairs. so i march downstairs and ask if anyone drives a blue bmw. the guy nearest the door smirks and says, 'yeah'. i ask if he could possibly move it because it's taking up two spots, one of which is mine. he says 'yeah sure'. so i walk up to the door to the parking lot, wait for him.... so I'm not sitting in my car waiting.... no shock when he doesn't come out and i hear a treadmill start. i walk back downstairs and ask if he could move it now, so that I can go to work. he says he'll be finished in 10 minutes. i say i'd like to go to work now. he storms out, and up to his car asking, "lady why the hell can't you park in the next spot over?" i retort - it's not my spot, please move your gd car. he asks why I care that he's taking up two spots - i repeat "one of the spots is mine". he finally moves his car.

ok - so i shouldn't have made a deal of this - should have just parked one spot over. our company has 4 spots... but the thing is i know where my bosses like to park - and i know they'd never complain, but it's just the fact that this guy felt that he owned the parking lot.... and gave me such an attitude. i hate people like that. (plus i hate when that attitude is given by people that own expensive cars. add to that the person dishing the attitude is sweating profusely and smells bad - gross)

just had to get this off my chest - now to calm down and get to work. so much for coming in early...

GO VOTE

2008-11-04T05:29:00.000-06:00

all the cool kids are doing it...

plus today is definitely a day to remember - we are either electing a woman to be vice president or a non-white man to be president.... pretty awesome.

overwhelmed with need

2008-11-03T10:22:00.000-06:00

it is not often that i am overwhelmed with the need to order clothing or shoes online.
don't get me wrong - i love me some cute accessories,

but i don't get that "I MUST HAVE" feeling much...

i have it - for these...
and i have no more words to explain...
i'm so confused with my feelings!!!!

frugal tree hugger

2008-10-13T20:44:00.000-05:00

why did no one tell me about vinegar + water? for approximately 6 months i have been nurturing a new love affair with this very awesome cleaning mixture. my bottle of 2-3 parts water + 1 part vinegar and my microfiber rags are insane cleaning machines - they disinfect, shine, scrub. it is seriously so awesome! it's cheap! it's not harmful to the environment or us humans either... the scent doesn't make me sneeze or make my eyes water... did i mention it's cheap?

i'm so proud of my little frugal tree hugger cleaner!

confirmed

2008-10-10T11:55:00.000-05:00

... maybe the world really does make sense once again.

... maybe you really do need some sort of education or experience or perhaps simply a willingness to learn .

... maybe i don't need to grow a pen!s to prove myself (sorry, that's a little brash - but i really was starting to wonder if it would make all the difference).

le sigh.

i can now, fully, enjoy my weekend...

cannot confirm or deny

2008-10-08T21:34:00.001-05:00

...but tomorrow might be one of the most exciting days of my life, since june...

j'adore

2008-10-06T20:32:00.000-05:00

apples?

2008-10-05T19:29:00.000-05:00

momma fish and i used to ask the simple question, "apples?" anytime there was a lull in the conversation, or if someone said something so ridiculous there was nothing better to say. it would usually send us into a fit of giggles. who in the world knows why it started, or why it was so funny.

dear husband knows this story, and has since taken it into his own language - often asking the simple question, "bacon?" at the most random or inappropriate times. it's not quite as giggle-worthy, but it always makes me smile.

so getting back to apples...

mom gave me a huge bag of apples from the farm. they are the ugliest apples i have ever seen. they are all from the same tree - but some are green some are red some are odd shades of maroon... they are covered with freckles and bruises and other imperfections.

but after an hour of work (scrubbing, peeling, coring, slicing, boiling, and food processing), and some added sugar they have become some delicious homemade applesauce.

oh my god - so good.

fairy-tale

2008-09-19T20:19:00.000-05:00

what did i do to deserve this fairy-tale i am living?

To become something i never dreamed of being...

2008-09-09T19:43:00.000-05:00

i've pretty much been "winging" it since the day of my college graduation.

taking one day at a time.

taking one challenge at a time.

taking one goal at a time.

taking one success at a time.

taking one setback at a time.

...today I found out that someone close to me recently lost the love of their life... not through death, but through a choice made. it breaks my heart to think about what i would have done/who i would be today if i had to go through that a year ago, just months before my wedding day. needless to say i would be a different person...

choices... i make dozens of them every day. but i also realize that i do not have full control of everything in my life. i can do certain things to prepare myself for anticipated happenings and even prepare myself to accept certain emergencies. but i do not have a crystal ball.

i've heard that you really shouldn't talk about work within an online blog... because things online have a way of getting back to the persons that make decisions about your job security. so i won't talk about work, except to say - it's hard. it's not what i expected. i have a difficult time concentrating at times. i know that i am one of the best. i know i am one of the most talented. i wish i trusted more people. i miss laughing during the day. i am proud of what i have accomplished. i want to live closer to work.

i definitely did not want to live in a subdivision after college - thought living downtown would be more my speed. not going to happen. not in this city. so living wwwwwwaaaaaaaayyyy out - and on a street that is not part of a subdivision - is home. it fits. right now. but what about if there are children born? that upstairs bedroom is pretty much filled with junk, no room for a kid. i should fix that. organize. file. trash. donate. sell. i've heard that when pregnant, women do this thing called "nesting" - maybe i'll organize.file.trash.donate.sell. while i nest? ha.

watching stupid tv. i'm catching up on all the tv i missed during high school and college, when i actually had a life.

done.

family

2008-08-17T19:40:00.000-05:00

i slept maybe 3 full hours this weekend - but it was worth it. i really do enjoy being surrounded by family - my new extended family... beautiful weather, good company, lots of food - we are sooooo blessed.

convent-inspired furniture

2008-08-03T20:17:00.000-05:00

i need accessories!!!! today, we moved the "dresser" and mirror from my grandma's house to ours. it is very pretty, but looks sooooo old fashion (kinda convent-like, no?). i need some modern accents to spice up the top of our stairs, now. suggestions?

ps - isn't Carter cute?

internal conflict

2008-07-24T20:19:00.000-05:00

i have always been told, and have always believed, that i can do anything and be anything that i dream. thus far, i am certain i have fulfilled my dreams and the dreams others had for me, too. the dreams evolved as i was living them. and that's where i am right now, an evolution...

i have this crazy creative career (say that 5 times fast)... i make a decent living... but there is something that is pulling me in another direction, and i am having horrible internal conflict to this new dream. i don't want to let anyone down, especially myself. society is screaming at me to continue achieving and reaching upwards in my current career - continue to be self-sufficient and responsible and dependable. sure, maybe i could be superwoman and continue forward with current career and add new dream. but i'm not sure i want that.

i need to do more research.

i want to be a mom.

the look of this

2008-07-20T16:02:00.000-05:00

... in reading blogs, i've come across a few that give suggestions for layout and design - to increase readership. well, i'm pretty certain not many people are reading this... but i attempted to find a layout that fit into their suggestions... mainly not having white letters on black background because it's hard to read. the unfortunate truth - i love white letters on black background - always have. so it's going back to the original "look". i'm sorry if it hurts your eyeballs.

diploma

2008-07-03T21:20:00.000-05:00

i really truly did not believe people when they told me just to get "any" diploma. it's the piece of paper that gets the job - not necessarily where it is from or for what it was earned. i abso-fu-cc-in-lutely did not believe them. i thought it was sarcasm at its finest.

nope.

it is the most true thing i have learned since leaving the cozy world of college. the place where i slaved and worked and achieved things... last of all, a diploma. but, i'm pretty certain i am the only person on the planet that has a job based on her schooling. want an example? a little story about this guy that i know...

he went to college, changed his major about 4 times. he finally decided on something in the business school (something easy) - finance or something of the like. he graduated. he got his piece of paper and moved where the weather was always sunny. he flitted from an odd job here to one over there, moving around the country trying to find his calling. then, followed a pretty little lust across the country to a land full of people and tall buildings. he found a job doing odds and ends, but thought he might like what they were doing - design. he's a talker - asked lots of questions, got himself hired as an entry designer, despite no experience or background of any sort. the lust couldn't commit and six months later he decided he wanted to move back near his roots (his mom). he interviewed at an office that was lacking in testosterone (too many ladies with experience and opinions) and got himself hired at one of the top design offices in the country. good thing they didn't care what the piece of paper said.

4:25am - 5:15am

2008-06-26T07:27:00.000-05:00

... i sat, wordless, in his kitchen, on a stool that was too tall for me to be comfortable. there weren't any lights on in the house, just filtered sunlight through the windows casting gloomy shadows and glare around the room. he was talking too fast for me to really understand what he was saying, but i'm not sure i was actually listening. i was in too much shock - seeing him again after so many years of wondering if he was "alive". he was in fact alive, and well - or so it seemed. he was married, proven by the large photo over the entry table - a recent wedding picture. the girl was pretty and he was clean shaven and dressed handsomely. he was walking around digging in drawers, trying to find something. the rambling of his voice - sounded unnatural. i sat, wordless. he finally found a small yellow envelope that was bent on all four corners. it had my name scribbled on the front - he pushed it into my hand. it was a thick envelope and too heavy for it's size. he mentioned something about reading it before i threw it away. i wasn't breathing. i cut my finger trying to open it. words ran down page after page - the top was dated january 2008. that is when he tried to find me...

dreams are amazing. they have details that relate to nothing and everything.

i needed closure. but i woke up angry.

business travel

2008-06-21T14:12:00.000-05:00

i knew that someday

i would find something positive about traveling for work

something positive -

shiny black 2008 exterior, peppy V6, leather interior, satellite radio

an explanation of this blog title

2008-06-18T15:32:00.000-05:00

wikipedia definition: the butterfly effect is a phrase that encapsulates the more technical notion of sensitive dependence on initial conditions in chaos theory

liz definition: the ability to touch all by the slightest thought, word, or movement. the fact that my life influences others, places, and things, even beyond my own understanding.

... i was going to get a butterfly tattoo on my right calf, just below my knee, as soon as i got my leg braces removed. it was going to represent my life - growing wings, freedom, flight out of what had been "holding me back". turns out i didn't need the outward sign to remind me that i had wings long before i started walking barefoot. i know for a fact that (deservedly or not) i have directly influenced piers and strangers throughout my life, through opportunities brought to me by both my disability and my abilities. i look at this as a gift, and treasure it (and hope i am not sounding conceited). but with this bears the burden of knowing that i have a responsibility of not affecting the world negatively...

... for my "bunny" on our first anniversary...

2008-06-16T13:40:00.000-05:00

this was the inscription inside the front cover of a book that was yellowed, dog-eared, binding missing. the book was in a pile on the floor of my grandma's house. there are piles in every room marked either trash or keep. we were drifting from one room to the next picking items for our own homes - since grandma no longer needed any of this. she's still alive and kickin - just not alone in this big house. she goes to bingo and sunday prayer groups and comedy hour with her new friends at the retirement center. she has no need for old cookbooks - she has a huge cafeteria to fill her hunger now.

but it was heart breaking to read that inscription.

and not because i was sad to see she wasn't going to cook anymore (honestly, i never favored much of her cooking), but because there was a tenderness to the handwriting and the message itself - written from grandpa to grandma when they were first starting out their life together. it was sad because i can't say that i really have any memories of a man that would have called grandma "bunny". he died over 6 years ago - i remember him as a fairly sour man, tired of the problems of the world. he smelled of cigarette smoke and liquor. he wasn't ever nasty or mean to us - and he always gave hugs of love. but i just didn't know the man that wrote that note... and it brought a lump to my throat. i also feel a little guilty because that might be the first time i truly felt sad that he was no longer here.

my plans

2008-06-11T13:15:00.000-05:00

Reading a blog entry posted by a man who's wife has CF

http://cfhusband.blogspot.com

I was completely moved by something he said:

"My plans are only worth anything if they are God's plans, and thankfully, His plans are always perfect."

I can only hope that my faith is this strong. To think this way, and to live this way are separate items.

lazy sunny sunday

2008-06-08T17:02:00.000-05:00

Lazy Sundays are my favorite. Sunny lazy Sundays are even better. Like today, for example.

Woke up at 5:15a to let the dog out, because even though it is the weekend, he sticks with our weekly routine. But since it's Sunday (glorious weekend day) I got to go back to bed for THREE MORE HOURS! Rolled out of bed at 8:15ish had a breakfast fit for a queen. Left over homemade pizza (made with whole wheat dough - yumm) and a mountain dew. (Lunch was much healthier, promise.) I then strolled over to the computer to start working on my renderings... well I actually read email and caught up on friends' blogs for an hour, but then I got right to work. I have been working since then (with casual breaks to water the plants and let the dog out and fix lunch). I even emailed my boss images of what I have finished - so he can have something to review tonight or at 5am when he's in the office (prior to me rolling in at 7:30am). But I feel really accomplished, and relaxed - all at the same time. How is this possible? Clearly it is because it is Sunday - Lazy Sunny Sunday. Love it.

Totally unrelated to a the lovely Sunday that I've had - after extensive research (posting one question on a gardening board) I have discovered that we have "Dog Vomit Slime Mold" in our front flower bed (and it has now spread to our little tree out front). Google it - it does exist and we have it... the pictures look exactly like what is in our yard. Gross. But... supposedly it is totally harmless to our plants, and will go away on its own (and there is no way to get rid of it quicker). Awesome.

Also totally unrelated to the lovely Sunday or the Dog Vomit Slime Mold - my dad has decided what he wants to do for Father's Day and for his Birthday (occurs the end of this month). He wants to play golf one day and wants to go on a hot air balloon ride the other day. Both are completely reasonable and great ideas. Only problem - well there are two. First, I've never played golf (neither has dear husband) and thus we do not own clubs. Second "problem" I think I am afraid of heights. I can look out of high buildings (but I do get a little dizzy if I stare too long)... but back in college we went on a tour of the State Capitol Building in Topeka and got the opportunity to walk up the stairs above the huge glass dome, to the roof. Well I had no idea I was afraid of heights until I started climbing those little bitty rickety stairs. I got really hot and cold and queezy and dizzy. It was insane stupid. I had to sit there and miss the great sight from the roof. Who knows, maybe I just had low blood sugar (since I had skipped breakfast)? I'll be sure to eat something if we go up in the balloon... (i guess?)

Also completely unrelated to most things I just wrote - we're going to Steak'n Shake for dinner. That makes me happy. But also makes me feel old for going there during a "normal" meal time... instead of between the hours of 12 and 3am. Boo.

five year plan

2008-05-19T20:50:00.001-05:00

it just took one dream to take away a fear that has been holding me down for days or weeks or months - well for quite awhile. i have just been really down about what to "do" next.

i achieved all the freakin' goals i set for myself when i was "little" (insert short joke as you will). anyhow, i really did... i finished high school, i finished college, i got a good job, i freed myself financially from my dad, i lived by myself in a new city, i successfully found another good job, i fell in love with my best friend, i adopted an animal from a rescue society, i built a house (how i wanted it), i started a garden and planted trees in my own yard, i bought a new car (all by myself and didn't get "taken" by any car salesmen - in fact i paid below msrp!!), i drew disney cartoons with a disney artist (and got complimented on my talent!)... these may seem so silly or insignificant or whatever - but these were parts and pieces of the goals i have set for myself during my life, so far. but i got stuck - i feel like i've been spinning my wheels, without the benefit of having a smokin' "burnout".

well - i'm back.

i have a "five year plan"... or something. and i'm not afraid. nothing has to happen overnight, but there's no need to procrastinate either. i don't think i'm ready to spell out the plan... but on top of the plan i also want to write a book - i've always thought i would write a book. maybe that's why i started this blog - to get the words flowing... i'm not sure if the words are flowing freely yet, but the creativity is definitely coming back or coming out or boiling up!!!!!!! and it makes me excited.

superstars!

2008-05-10T17:02:00.000-05:00

roommate kelly from college had some amazing recipes (and a true talent in the kitchen). last night i spent three hours

baking her sugar cookies recipe. dear husband says they are of girl scout quality - he's so cute sometimes! today i spent another three hours icing the cookies, and placing them into individual bags to give as gifts tomorrow at mom's day brunch to all my SUPERSTARS, and during visits throughout the day to the grandmas' houses. i hope everyone enjoys them as much as we enjoyed the "mess ups". i am guessing i have too much time on my hands to be able to spend 6 hours making cookies.

but time is something i have right now - money for fancy gifts is what i don't have. so hopefully the thought (and effort) is what counts (or at least is appreciated). but obviously nothing could really repay or show how much i am glad for everything my mom, grandmas, aunts, have done for me - to be who i am today.

2008-05-10T09:52:00.000-05:00

sometimes i wish i was this sexy... (seriously...)

carter

2008-05-04T16:09:00.000-05:00

in no way shape or form do i consider myself a dog whisperer.

i'm probably closer in relation to the dog yeller - and not old yeller, either.

we have a love/hate relationship

it's fair to say that 50% of the time we cuddle, walk nicely on either end of the leash, fetch the ball for each other, and sit and stay

it's also not fair but true to say that 50% of the time we do not speak the same language, resulting in whining and commands repeated loudly (even though our trainer taught us not to repeat).

i have to be honest in saying i do not know how we ended up adopting this particular puppy.

ok, that's a lie. i know perfectly well how it happened.

this was three months after we moved into the house, and we wanted a puppy (sometime in the future). we were reading books on the best type to have, and talking to everyone about where to find the perfect puppy. we had it narrowed down to a few breeds that were basically "lazy" and "tiny" and wouldn't mind being in a small house with a little yard.

one sunday we passed by a pet store that had huge banner out front saying something about puppies and a rescue foundation. i begged everyone to stop "just for a minute" to see the puppies... i just wanted to "look". they were all chihuahuas and adorable, and not the type of dog we were looking into adopting. and then there was one that was not a chihuahua but he was absolutely beautiful, and he really wanted me to hold him.

as i cuddled this beautiful tiny shy puppy, he nuzzled into my neck and i was in love.

we found out he was at least half miniature pincher

a breed familiar to the fiance

his mom was only 6 pounds

so the rescue didn't expect him to get much bigger than that

well... our puppy is now almost 14 pounds (and he's all muscle at that)

he bounces around the house energetically and loves to run

he is by no means a "lazy" dog but luckily he does love to cuddle still

if it weren't for the cuddles, i might have gone crazy by now

a memory...

2008-04-30T20:33:00.000-05:00

it is official - i have lost my "voice"

not my real voice - i can talk just fine

but my words my thoughts - they are stuck

so i'll write about my drive home.

i cried on my 30 minute drive home tonight.

the drive started out well enough

it was later than usual, so traffic was really light.

which should have made me happy and singing at the top of my lungs

windows open, radio blaring.

instead, a flood of memories...

or rather one face drifted into consciousness.

a girl, huge smile, big eyes, warm soul

she was one of my residents from my first year as an RA

i haven't seen her since graduating and leaving college and kansas

our paths crossed once again this weekend

but i couldn't place her when i saw her

i smiled and said hi - knowing i knew her from somewhere

but i couldn't place her - until my drive home tonight

that night i did not have a chance to remember her

there was so much going on, surrounded by family and friends

at my cousin's wedding

but on my drive home i did remember her

i missed a chance to say hello, for real....

tears because "my girls" from the 2nd floor meant so much to me that year.

i thought of them as my family - i was the "mom" on the floor...

i cared about them so much

it was their first year at school...

so many of them were so young, so sweet, so intelligent!

those girls meant so much to me, and yet...

i couldn't place her when i saw her on saturday

why couldn't i remember her when it mattered

did she remember me?

was she hurt when i didn't call her by name

give her a hug full of memories

who knows if our paths will cross again

i hope they do

when they do, i have a huge hug waiting for my friend

2008-04-21T21:05:00.000-05:00

i will have my own studio.

a creative opportunity

unfinished cement floor - welcoming expanse with no steps up or down

a big open room with huge windows that pour in natural light.

i will create things that make people happy, just because.

a child or two - always welcome to be there too.

bedroom furniture

2008-04-20T06:37:00.001-05:00

Growing up, I had hand me down dressers

(white ones with gold trim

that my mom had used as a child).

I loved them.

I had a bed frame and mattress but no headboard

(I always wanted the headboard that matched those little dressers -

my cousins had the headboards).

In grade school I got a danish desk / bookshelf system thing.

It was very "sleek" and minimalist (and kinda cheap).

But it served it's purpose.

Still - I always wanted a bedroom "set".

When we first moved in (almost 2 years ago)

we bought the matching bed and the chest of drawers.

A year later, we got side tables that are not part of the actual "set"....

but are close enough in color and style.

The ones that actually match the "set" are kinda chunky...

Last week, the dresser arrived.

I kind of hate the mirror - we may just not use the mirror.

Thursday April 17 2008

2008-04-17T19:32:00.000-05:00

I used to journal... like in a real paper book with a pen.

It always made me feel better to pour rambles onto a page.

I'd go back and re-read entries when I wanted to relive something.

I don't journal anymore.

I thought I'd try a blog.

No idea where it's going to go, or why anyone would want to read this, or if anyone ever will...