fairy-tale

what did i do to deserve this fairy-tale i am living?

To become something i never dreamed of being...

i've pretty much been "winging" it since the day of my college graduation.  

taking one day at a time.  

taking one challenge at a time.  

taking one goal at a time.  

taking one success at a time.  

taking one setback at a time. 

...today I found out that someone close to me recently lost the love of their life... not through death, but through a choice made.  it breaks my heart to think about what i would have done/who i would be today if i had to go through that a year ago, just months before my wedding day.  needless to say i would be a different person...

choices... i make dozens of them every day.  but i also realize that i do not have full control of everything in my life.  i can do certain things to prepare myself for anticipated happenings and even prepare myself to accept certain emergencies.  but i do not have a crystal ball.

i've heard that you really shouldn't talk about work within an online blog... because things online have a way of getting back to the persons that make decisions about your job security.  so i won't talk about work, except to say - it's hard.  it's not what i expected.  i have a difficult time concentrating at times.  i know that i am one of the best.  i know i am one of the most talented.  i wish i trusted more people.  i miss laughing during the day.  i am proud of what i have accomplished.  i want to live closer to work.

i definitely did not want to live in a subdivision after college - thought living downtown would be more my speed.  not going to happen.  not in this city.  so living wwwwwwaaaaaaaayyyy out - and on a street that is not part of a subdivision - is home.  it fits. right now.  but what about if there are children born?  that upstairs bedroom is pretty much filled with junk, no room for a kid.  i should fix that.  organize.  file.  trash.  donate.  sell.  i've heard that when pregnant, women do this thing called "nesting" - maybe i'll organize.file.trash.donate.sell. while i nest? ha.

watching stupid tv.  i'm catching up on all the tv i missed during high school and college, when i actually had a life. 

done.